It’s a very grey day today. I think the rain is gloomier than the snow. Although obviously snow is more hazardous and more of an inconvenience, it’s all high drama. Whereas the rain is dreary, relentless, low-level inconvenient gloom,  – gloooooooom.

Bit like depression, all the manic dreadful highs and lows get a lot of (if you’re lucky) attention from medical professionals, friends and family and your carefully crafted support net gathers up to respond to the crisis.

I find my hardest bits are the grinding slogs through struggles at the front door every morning, reluctant to put your feet and the precious feet of your children out into the world. The moments you find yourself looking blankly at the bread in the supermarket choking back inexplicable tears. When the happy flashes seem far and few between. When you’re still together enough to put a good face on for everyone else but the mean inner voice is beating you down with its constant negative commentary.

Not that I’m particularly in that place at the moment but it’s a familiar resting spot. I suppose in the manic highs and lows you are particularly un self-aware so they’re not as strong memories where as the black dog days are very vivid.

Just paused for a brief look out of the window –  I was reading a great blog earlier where the writer was talking about Beauty as a value * and the importance of it all around us and I thought about how precious it is to see the beauty in everything, the tatty and the tawdry, the mundane everyday – my muddy, slimy leaved wet garden.

* I will  up my tech abilities to put links in my writing as I see others can do. Honestly I will – small steps people, small steps to a blogging life of joy! but for now it was in Imperfect Pages which is in my blogroll and is one I really enjoy.

So having looked – there is clear beauty – I like how the rain makes everything shiny and all the colours deeper. I do even like getting wet in rain when you know you’re on the way home to somewhere warm. And I am blessed with a house with a relatively intact roof (I’m sure it’s only the flashing leaking) and heating. And it’s a perfect day for a roast dinner which I’m cooking for our regular dinner with my Mum and Dad. Have slightly over veged – I had a great recipe for red cabbage and had one to use up.

You fry an onion and fennel seeds, add chopped apple (a bit of bacon if you feel like it) chopped red cabbage then a splash of vinegar, water or apple juice, salt & pepper and pinches of cinnamon, ground cloves,  a grate of nutmeg (this is all to your taste) then cover it and leave on a low heat to braise for a couple of hours. It’s a great one to put on the back of the cooker while doing something else. I added a handful of currents and walnuts – mainly because they I had some in the cupboard.

I’ve also got broccoli, sprouts, roasted onions, roasted pumpkin, steamed carrots and peas. As well as the roast potatoes, parsnips and sweet potatoes. On reflection it seems like a lot of veg. And due to Z’s pleading on the way to school and his spirited arguments as to why they should be included  I’m doing yorkshire puddings. This would all seem reasonable if it was one of our meat free roast dinners but it isn’t!  Ah well – does mean I won’t have to cook for the rest of the week as we’ll be rich in leftovers and all veg preferences are catered for so the kids should eat near their 5 portions today (make up for yesterdays sugar fest..)

Ida is sleeping, the rain is raining, all cooking prep done for later and I have an hour before going out in the rain to get Z so am going to do  a bit of sewing. Seizing and noting the happiness.

 – Oh and I got my first comment ( whoop) – thank you, A life less simple. Must find out about links..


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