Look closer

Frankly that Vanish woman is asking for it.

You think it’s clean? Well, yes bitch – I just washed it. Hmm but does that mean it’s clean? In this obviously sheltered and deluded corner of the world, yes, I fricking do.

These are just clothes we have worn until grubby. I’ve not been wrestling plague infected monkeys or rolling in rancid cattle dung. Just your everyday soiled clothing. I thought putting through the washing machine would clean them, crazeeee me.

 Who knows what deadly bacteria is lurking in those dirty germ encouraging fibres?

Quick! Everyone into the bleach dip then through into my newly constructed BPA free plastic bubble – better take the top layer of skin off while you’re there – any number of toxic sputum could be lodged into the whorls of your fingertips. If we remove the fingernails we won’t need to worry what’s lodged under them. Dear fecking deities.

Of course I do know that one of the reasons these adverts make me froth is that I console myself about our dishevelled lifestyle by thinking that the  kids are developing excellent bacteria resistance due to my careful programme of exposure. (Ha!)

This advert and the one that induces fear of your soap dispensers handle are reliably enraging. Everyone else in the house laughs at me. I glimpse my future, festooned with plastic bags waving my fists and shouting at passing traffic a la Bill Bailey. Wonder if it’s worth taking up yoga?

Our skin is not a smooth impenetrable surface – nothing is when you look hard. Hurray for microscopes. Double hurray for demodicids – check this amazing link out…Eyelash creatures. My favourite bit is this photo of an eyelash follicle (stuffed with three mites..) – look we’re all so flaky and scaly and well, penetrable .


Todays BT in all our flawed loveliness is us.


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