Ennui and rage

Ida and I went on to the park after we had dropped Zeph at school today. We had nothing on our to do list except make tea so thought we’d take advantage of the early sun.

We had the entire park to ourselves except for a very serious muscle man doing pull ups on the climbing frame and grunting a lot. He didn’t stay that long as Ida decided to stand at his knees and grunt back at him.

Clearly not accustomed to children he fled.

I’m quite fond of the playground at the park. Possibly because I’m comparing it with the playground we sometimes cross on the way home. The one Z calls the broken glass playground. I’m sure you can form your own inner city mental picture.

At least there’s grass and trees here although also the usual quota of disaffected yoof. Breaking all the baby swings – damn them.

Ida is really independent at the playground – way more than Z was. Although she’s quite happy for you to come along on the car trip she’d rather play on stuff by herself – woe betide the adult who tries to lend a hand so the playground experience is pretty relaxing. You can even read a paper..

I love this picture – it really captures that crazy sunny light just before the storm. For once I actually managed to time it so we were stepping back through our front door as the heavens open.

Also I’m enjoying Ida’s glee at unimpeded access to the highly coveted teenager roost area.

 Okay – I actually wrote this post a couple of days ago, and halfway through writing it was submerged under a tidal wave of ennui and had to save and GET OUT! Now the obvious thing would be to delete and start again with something a bit more gripping but where’s the authentic self in that?  Often my life seems nails-in-the-eyes tedious. I’m sure we’re all in the same boat.

Of course I’m blogging about mine. *cough*

Today was more eventful – my lovely friend Erika dropped by in the morning to find the keys in the door and the house empty. I arrived back with Ida and a load of shopping to find a gentle note in the door. We waited, abashed, in the garden for her to call back after her work appointment.

I am very white queenishly chaotic at the moment. When I’m particularly clumsy I always suspect my subconscious of trying to sabotage me.  A bit of introspection doesn’t reveal much out of the ordinary – all the usual angst present and correct. Possibly that’s the problem as I’m sick to the back teeth of them all. Gah, double gah.

Anyway my lovely angel of mercy arrived on her bike with the most amazing dress she’s crocheted for Ida – she took some beautiful photo’s in the garden for Ravelry. I’ve taken some after dinner. So you’ve got extra yoghurt, felt tipped cats whiskers and Idas careful choice of red welly boot which gives her the air of a deranged gogo dancer.


How great are those sleeves? I love it. She originally suggested I might be up to it but I’m sooooooo glad she couldn’t resist making it herself as I’m pretty sure mine wouldn’t have looked like this.

Almost as lovely as the dress are my marigolds. They are gloriously ruffled which is odd as I’m pretty sure last years weren’t.. The cornflowers coming up in the path are staunchly blue;

After that soothing flower interlude I’m ending on something else griping my soul. Does the fact a woman lives amongst extreme poverty and crime (and is this surprising as chambermaiding is some of the most poorly paid and demeaning work around?) mean she is unlikely to be raped or sexually assaulted?

I am especially charmed by the comment made by a previous colleague comparing the foolishness of this situation to ludicrous cases where sex worker women claim they have been ‘raped’ or ‘assaulted’. Impossible no?

It was rhetorical. I’m off the garden to find some BT’s as I feel deeply in need.


5 responses to “Ennui and rage

  1. Hi Laura, thank you so much for your birthday wishes. I’ve finally managed to surface from my completely chaotic life, to find a a bit of time to update my blog and catch up with yours. As always, I feel in awe of your ability to be completely frank about the frustrations of life, whilst at the same time rejoicing in the beauty of the ordinary. Reading just your first post has soothed me already. XX

  2. I read a piece of advice that said ‘Only give handmade things to people who make things themselves because nobody else will appreciate them’ so I’m afraid you may be the recipient of more stuff! I love Ida’s cat whiskers so much, she is such a lovely little soul. Thank you for always welcoming me into your house when I turn up without announcement, not many people would be so generous. I DO know I’m being a bit rude but I just can’t seem to organize myself to see you any other way!

  3. I was a bit puzzled by your attack of ennui in the middle of this post. Did you look at it and think going to the park with Ida looked boring? I loved reading about it, and laughed aloud at Ida scaring off the muscle man by grunting at him. She is very cool, and I love her sense of style, too!

    • Ha! she has a very decided sense of style! You are quite right – it’s all the everyday twiddly details I enjoy reading in other blogs but sometimes it’s hard to believe anyone could find your own even vaguely interesting. I think the ennui was more about being stuck in my own head/self. Passed very quickly though! We’ve got Edward Goreys A-Z and I was always tickled by “N is for Neville who died from ennui…”

  4. I know this was ages ago, but I was reminded of this conversation when I saw these videos about Henri, le chat noir with a bad case of ennui: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U

    I’ve been laughing at them all day. I hope you enjoy them 🙂

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